Saturday, 5 September 2009


I had a bad night last night. I thought way too hard about what I wanted to do in the future and how I didn't have a plan, I didn't know what course I want to study at uni, I don't know what I want to be when I am older and how I wouldn't get into a good university and how I would fail at life. It all got a bit too much for me and I think that even if I talked to someone about it now I would burst out into tears and last night and this morning all over again.

I have decided to stick with theatre studies, not because it's the right decision or because it will benefit or help me in anyway when applying to university, but because it's my passion and what I really love doing. I still want to do the higher level of maths, because that will help me so much! I think I was just a bit jaded about everything, now that I am in 6th form and I just feel like I am not ready to grow up, that it's all going too fast and I don't know where I am going. I feel like I'm walking around in think smog and I can't see what's ahead of me or where I am going. It just seems like everyone else around me knows what they want to do with their life and what they are going to do to make sure they achieve what they want out of their life and career.

Today was good though, after having a little cry again this morning the day ahead was very nice and it was lovely to think of something else other than school for a while. Music centre started up again where I play clarinet in two bands, one an orchestra in which we play film music and stuff like that. And then a wind band called force 10, which is just so much fun! I really enjoy playing in an ensemble, because the sound is so different to when you play on your own, it's so nice to come together with others like me and play music we all love and are familiar with. :)

MY PARENTS ARE FINALLY GETTING A WOOD BURNING STOVE! After about 3 years of talking about getting one, they have finally got someone to come on Monday and assess how much it is going to cost to get a chimney fixed in. My house has NO heating, this may seem weird to some people, and we do have underfloor heating, but that is it. I don't know why, our house is wooden and it was built in the 60's. Maybe it was stylish to be cold? :S

We went to Canterbury as well where Charlotte got a new mouthpiece for her clarinet and we also met one of our friends from the Benenden summer school which I attended earlier this year. It was really nice to see her again, because I mean I don't know when I will see her again seeing as she boards at Kings.

Right now we are watching Pirate of the Caribbean, and I am just singing along to the music because I have played it in my summer music school course. I am sad, that I sing along to the music rather than speak the lines of the film like any other person would. hehe. I do the same with Little Women the musical!

Today has been a pretty musical day, or well everything I have done or seen has had something which reminds me of something musically.

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