Sunday, 25 April 2010

Enron and Doctor Who

Today is marathon day in London. I really wish I could run the marathon. Technically I could if I want to, it would take me an eternity, but it would be awesome. I like to think that in the summer I am doing a marathon equivalent, 54 miles on a bike. A bit easier, but double a marathon all the way from London to Brighton. I really too excited about the prospects of being part of the IB London to Brighton bike team!

So I figured out my exam timetable after so much confusion about the whole thing. It's alright, 1 exam Thursday, day off Friday, 2 exams Monday. THEN it goes crazy. I have about 3 or 4 exams a day for 4 days and some of them I have to sit on my own because I am the only person doing my selection of subjects. Ah the outsider. Revision is coming to a slow down. Partly due to the fact that I just can't be bothered anymore and my attention span has dwindled epically, and also partly down to the fact that I have a good feeling about finishing it all on time. So yay, time to myself!

I went up to London yesterday, went for a spot of much needed summer-clothes-shopping, which turned out pretty successful and I came away with some good buys and feeling somewhat smug that I got 10% off with my student card (though really there is nothing to be smug about as it's a perfectly legitimate and normal thing for students to do. They even advertise it!). Then the family split. I have been raving about War Horse ever since I saw it at the National Theatre two years ago with my dad. So naturally I booked tickets for my mum and sister to go and see it, whilst my dad and I went to see Enron, a play based of the true story of Enron, the energy company's fall. It was all about the economy and things I didn't have a clue about before seeing the show, and I think I was just about the youngest person there in an auditorium filled with 30 year old high earners or old people. I would have been bored out of my skull and reluctant to listen and watch if it wasn't for the amazing staging. I mean the person who directed the show is a genius! Seriously, it was so spectacular and fascinating to watch what was going on, on stage. I came away with a new found knowledge about the company and other economic terms, which I told Charlotte and my mum about on the way home. If you are in London or nearby go and see Enron, even if you are like me and know nothing about the world of stock markets and profits and general business. You may become that little bit wiser, whilst enjoying watching business men dancing round with lightsabers, listening to a song composed only of stock market figures and watching dinosaurs eating the company's debt.

I also missed Doctor Who last night due to being in London. Despite mine and Charlotte's constant reminder to ourselves to record the show we forgot. Like last week. So this morning we watched it on iplayer. Oh my gosh! I'm so glad I watched it in day light. I would have been so scared otherwise. I get scared by films and such really easily so I was hiding behind and cushion and anticipating the worst the whole way through. This episode was the first of a two parter to the series, and now I really just want to watch the next episode! It was so so so so so so good. I really enjoyed the whole plot line, especially as it's also a sort of development from the last time the weeping angels were in the show. They seem a whole lot more dangerous now. Not only can they send you back in time where you were left to die on your own accord whilst living your life in a totally different era, but there is something new about them. Not only can they kill and somehow take the voice from the people who fall victim to them, but they can also affect a person with their cold stone eyes, in a way that we don't exactly know what is yet. I still love the whole relationship with River Song and the Doctor. It's so mysterious, we don't really know what it is, and it seems that they too are in some way confused by it. I am also really enjoying Amy and the Doctor's relationship. I don't know what it is about them, but they already seem to be so close to each other, and I think that's partly due to the fact that Amy has 'sort of' known the Doctor for her whole life, whilst he has seemingly only known her for a short period of time. She seems to get away with more things for example calling him 'Mr grumpy face', yet he seems to be still trying to in a way win her over and prove something, maybe his loyalty to her, by always encouraging her. I thought there was a moment in this episode where you see Amy's weak side come out, which we haven't really seen in this series so far. She has done a lot of the 'saving the world things' with her simple human mind, whilst the Doctor often confuses and makes things far too complex.

Okay that turned into a very reviewey post, but what the hell! I like Doctor Who and theatre.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

I want to go here

Curiosity and the way things work

Maths is not good for me. It just makes me agitated and stressed, and even when it's the easiest thing in the world I still dislike sitting there writing it all out. When I do get to one I have no idea about, I get annoyed at myself for not being able to work it out and to think logically whilst also thinking about how much my brain hurts and how I can't go on. And that, dear friends is how I end up doing things like this. So far 7 sheets of paper have been used for writing down maths revision from exercises in my textbook and all was going well until I stumbled across... CO-ORDINATE GEOMETRY. I mean, what is that stuff? When am I likely to use it in my day to day life of an English graduate?! Curse thee IB for making me continue with maths. Though really I am quite grateful, because I would seriously have forgotten everything by now if it wasn't for my two lessons a week of maths.
Whilst having a small break - where after I never really started working again, I went to check the post. I was half hoping for a post card from my friend who is currently in Seattle on a choir tour, and my hopes were met with that very thing. I love post. It actually brightens up my day so much, so this is partly the reason for me having around 25 university prospectuses upstairs in a mountain-esque style in my room. Ah! I so want to travel and meet people from different cultures and religions and settings. It just interests me so much. The way people live in comparison to our way. I even get fascinated in our German assistant lessons where she tells us about festivals like Easter and Christmas in Germany, and though only an hour away by flight, it seems like a completely different atmosphere. I suppose I am lucky enough to have experienced two traditions thoroughly in Denmark as well as England, but it's left me with a bug for wanting more! The group of friends I hang around with are also religiously diverse and I never get tired of hearing about their rituals and traditions. I'm just curious about the way people are and why they are that way. It sounds a bit crude to put it that way, as if I am always nosing in on other people's business, but what other way can we feed our curiosity without asking about the things we want to know. I was always interested about the way things worked when I was a child and my dad bought me loads of books, one namely called 'how things work', it was all about the physics of things, like locks and keys and springs, just practical everyday objects that had certain mechanisms. It's just all so interesting and I like to question.
I really sound like a mis-match of all things. I'm really interested in the way things work. I like things linear, but not boring. Though others may protest, it is for that reason that I don't enjoy maths as much as I do philosophy. Although in philosophy there is a somewhat linear quality to constructing a well structured argument, there is scope for imagination and your own conclusions. English goes further, allowing you to make your own criticism and by doing this lets you be entirely different from the person next to you, but also being just as right. I like open things, where you can branch off. It's the way I work, and why I always use mind maps when planning. You can always add more.
Like this blog. It started off about maths and now we're onto why I work the way I do and what I enjoy. Open (some may think too much, but there is no plan for what I was going to do, therefore I cannot be wrong.) evil laugh

Tuesday, 13 April 2010


Okay I am yet again feeling the urge to blog about nothing really. Mainly to stray away from revision and boredom. I hate boredom, I actually feel like it's one of the worst feelings in the world. Just what to do and having nothing to do. No wait, the worst is being bored but knowing you have something to do. Which is basically all the time. Even now I'm thinking I should read a book, write an essay, revise for biology, tidy my room and do a million more important things other than writing a blog. But here I am again, writing with a lack of imagination and creativity.
So nothing has happened here today, nor will anything exciting happen in the next couple of days. I seem to lead weeks and weeks of 'interesting life' and then whole months of 'my life is so boring' I just love being engaged in something I love doing all the time and even though I love playing clarinet and reading, it's the fact that I've just finished working for my clarinet grade and played for a week virtually non-stop and the fact that if I sit down with a fiction book I know that in my mind there will be a little voice pestering me and knocking on my cells crying 'don't read that, read Mill!' which I find so mundane that's it drives me insane and while I read there is another voice screaming 'you don't understand that, go back and read the WHOLE section over again, outloud if you have to!' It is so difficult to read and grasp, especially when you get pushed right into the deep end, having read virtually no philisophical books other than a couple of chapters of Decartes (where he debates about what wax really is, gets himself all confused, says 'well, I'll have to doubt everything, goes to sleep, starts a new chapter saying 'I got confused yesterday') and Sophie's world, which I really quite enjoyed, though the story line made it a lot more stimulating for me to read. To top it all of, it's one of my set texts which I have to know back to front in order to pass the exam. Hum.

I have a few trips to the theatre lined up when I go back to school. First of all Oliver with the school for a music trip. Though I would never go and see it on my own, I am actually quite excited to see it with all my friends, plus one of my favourite West End actors is in it, so that should be quite good to see her take on such a different role in a show. Then 4 days after I'm going to see Enron with my dad whilst my mum and Charlotte see War Horse (we're already seen it - one of my favourite plays). It's meant to be very well performed and received 5 stars in the guardian with many articles about it and the topics it covers. Then in May, we're all going to see Spring Storm, which I only just got tickets for at the National Theatre. It's one of Tennessee Williams' earliest works and the acting is said to be brilliant and costing only 10 pounds I couldn't resist.

The pound sign on my keyboard is lost. It's set to a European keyboard for some bizarre reason and I can't find out how to switch it back. I have located every other symbol other than that one, so it's a little odd.

I really don't have any other news other than this computer on a whole feels weird to be on after spending a long time with my new Mac. Windows is not the same. I think I'm a convert.

Monday, 12 April 2010

Ah musicians

Revision drives me insane. I like learning everything, but not re-learning and re-learning and re-learning over and over until it's so solidly stuck in my head that it feels like there is no possible way that I can think of anything else for fear of it over flowing and loosing it all. I have mock exams in a little less than a month, and the scary thing is, is that these grades go on our UCAS university applications. So lets not dwell on scary things too much now, take it as it comes.

I have not been here for a while, shameful I know, but it was my birthday and then I went on band camp. Now, this may sound like some kind of strange and encourage you to pick out certain films and quotes. But let me tell you, it's so much fun!
First of all the music school rents out this beautiful boarding school in the middle of nowhere, where we can be as loud and as crazy as we please (within the rules of course :p).
Secondly, you are surrounded by wonderfully beautiful, funny and talented people for a whole week.
And finally, you get you play music for a eight hours a day and eat lovely food for the rest of the time.
I knew a lot of people who were going, but still I was a bit apprehensive before setting off as I didn't know anyone really well as I am new to the group and have only performed with them once before at Christmas. So, as well as making new friends, my friendships with people I knew only slightly before developed during the week and before long we were one big happy group of 'normal' musicians all there for the same reason. There are many inside jokes which will be kept for years and years and memories from the week and the concert.
The concert itself was joint with the county choirs - much to our dismay as we spent many evenings half-heartly slagging them off in a jokey, yet some what sincere fashion - and contained a multitude of Broadway show tunes to connect to the American theme that the council was holding that week in the theatre and as part of the local area music festival. It was so lovely to play on the stage with all my friends despite the lights almost making us all into 'slow-roasted humans' for the audience to enjoy after the concert.
Now we just have to wait for summer to roll around until we all see each other again, so I suppose looking forward to it will build up anticipation and make us even more excited than before.
So, I've just been on a huge facebook friend adding spree for everyone I met, and 'liking' every comment which has something to do with the concert and KYWO people. It's just really nice to be part of something where everyone is as passionate or has a great love for music as you do.

The revision stopped 20 minutes ago after finishing off a chapter on the chemistry of life for biology - my least favourite and understanding topic, and a revision of Plato and Aristotle's theories for philosophy. That's enough to keep me going for one day. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and it is, yet again a revising day. I feel more motivated to write blogs when I have something else to do. Ah procrastination. How I hate thee.

Also, I came home to loads of chocolate that I hadn't eaten before I left. I'm the only one with loads left from Easter :)

It's the small things in life, it really is!

Friday, 2 April 2010


Sometimes I feel that I put too much in, and get nothing out of it. It's annoying, it really is. This isn't just concerning work and school, but the way I am as a friend as well. I know this seems overly selfish and self-centred. I really do try my hardest to support, have fun and care about all my friends, but sometimes it just feels like all my work never gets returned. It's not that I don't enjoy doing things for them, sure I enjoy baking a cake for their birthday or organising a trip to see a show or a day out. But no one ever does this in return to either Charlotte or I. It's just always left up to us to sort things out, organise them and make things right. Sometimes I feel like I'm just there to be used. I know I'm not, but after some days, it just feels that way. And I don't want to say anything for fear of seeming selfish and all that.

Either I am just way out of line here, or I just do too much.

Okay that rant over another beings. (which too, might make me seem very up my self and vain, but I promise I am not attempting to do this. These are just my thoughts)

It's always been a dream for me to go to Cambridge and study, and I had visited a few times and fallen in love with the place. I have worked hard at school and become part of the Oxbridge group who receives tuition in the interview process and the written tests. Then I went to Oxford, just to see. I feel in love with that place too. Now I feel like I am cheating on Cambridge if I choose Oxford. That is just one of my problems. Which to choose. Students from either will obviously say their university and college are best, so my problem lies unsolved.
Anyway for a while I have thought that it wouldn't be THAT great to go there and I would probably rather go to somewhere in London like UCL. But the thing is, I really really really do. And the thing with that is that, it's really really really hard to get into. I feel like I'm not good enough, and fear that if I do go there, everything I say will be wrong. Plus, if I don't get in, I feel like I will not only be letting myself down, as I will just 'regret' not working hard enough, and also letting down everyone else including my parents.
Doing the IB means I only have one shot at the exams. If I fail or do badly then that's my own fault and will either have to settle for somewhere else or retake the whole two years again. Which really is not an option.
I really just had a realisation yesterday that I have always wanted to go to university and if I don't get in anywhere, I will probably just die internally for a few months.

Just read this back, and realised I sound really egotistic, but I do want to go. A lot.

On the plus side it's my birthday tomorrow :)