Friday, 16 October 2009

Hurry Up Holiday!

Today I felt like I wasn't really in the location that I actually was in. I don't know where I was. But I wasn't at school. I wasn't in my lessons. I wasn't on my bike. I wasn't at my saxophone lesson. I wasn't in the form room. It really was a weird feeling. I felt mentally and physically drained of energy and I just couldn't really be bothered to concentrate or listen to what was being said. That being said, I managed to get through the day alright, though lugging a saxophone home on my bike on the way home was not the ideal way to end the school day. Half term is only in a week, though it really feels like it should come quicker. I have a Theory of Knowledge essay to write -which, despite doing philosophy and the two being pretty similar - is going to mess my brain up and cause severe questioning throughout the rest of the weekend. No music tomorrow so I propose a lie in for myself. However, I will probably wake up at 7:30 for stupid reasons like my body thinking "Oh, this is an hour later than when I usually get up, I feel out-slept" NO BODY. NO YOU DON'T!

My friend Jenna who is 3 years younger than me broke up with her boyfriend. This is actual major sad times. I actually really hate people sometimes, because this guy just broke up with her for fact that it 'wasn't working'. Sorry, but what wasn't working? Or is it just you being a complete prick and messing up someone's life, maybe just because you don't have enough time or can't be bothered to make a commitment? Just irritates me. So Jenna, when you read. Don't worry, do what you want to get over him. Eat a whole tub of ice cream. Watch some crazy film and watch day time television. Enjoy.

My saxophone teacher wants be to do grade 5, I have only played saxophone for around 6 months, but the fact that I play clarinet as well gives me advantage. It's still pretty scary though and I don't know if I am ready for it, especially sight reading, epic failure, even in clarinet. But I suppose I'll do it, I haven't done a grade for anything in a very long time. So I feel it's time. Plus, let's face it, it sounds good.
"How long have you been playing Saxophone?"
"Around 9 months"
"Oooh, what grade are you on?
"I just done grade 5 a few months ago"

Yeah it sounds good.

I like less than a year I have to choose my life basically. I have to choose my university and my course which pretty much will determine the rest of my life. This scares me. A lot. I still feel like I should be in year 10 worrying about make-up and what I was doing every Friday night. Next thing I know I'll be in university wondering what the hell I am doing there. I wanted to do English Literature, but I don't know if I am good enough, or read enough, or am interesting enough. It just majorly stresses me out, because that is what our school is centred around. What you do with your life in order to be successful and there is so much pressure and pushing and prodding and moulding us into place. And I feel out of place.


No comments: