Blogging

Okay I am yet again feeling the urge to blog about nothing really. Mainly to stray away from revision and boredom. I hate boredom, I actually feel like it's one of the worst feelings in the world. Just what to do and having nothing to do. No wait, the worst is being bored but knowing you have something to do. Which is basically all the time. Even now I'm thinking I should read a book, write an essay, revise for biology, tidy my room and do a million more important things other than writing a blog. But here I am again, writing with a lack of imagination and creativity.

So nothing has happened here today, nor will anything exciting happen in the next couple of days. I seem to lead weeks and weeks of 'interesting life' and then whole months of 'my life is so boring' I just love being engaged in something I love doing all the time and even though I love playing clarinet and reading, it's the fact that I've just finished working for my clarinet grade and played for a week virtually non-stop and the fact that if I sit down with a fiction book I know that in my mind there will be a little voice pestering me and knocking on my cells crying 'don't read that, read Mill!' which I find so mundane that's it drives me insane and while I read there is another voice screaming 'you don't understand that, go back and read the WHOLE section over again, outloud if you have to!' It is so difficult to read and grasp, especially when you get pushed right into the deep end, having read virtually no philisophical books other than a couple of chapters of Decartes (where he debates about what wax really is, gets himself all confused, says 'well, I'll have to doubt everything, goes to sleep, starts a new chapter saying 'I got confused yesterday') and Sophie's world, which I really quite enjoyed, though the story line made it a lot more stimulating for me to read. To top it all of, it's one of my set texts which I have to know back to front in order to pass the exam. Hum.

I have a few trips to the theatre lined up when I go back to school. First of all Oliver with the school for a music trip. Though I would never go and see it on my own, I am actually quite excited to see it with all my friends, plus one of my favourite West End actors is in it, so that should be quite good to see her take on such a different role in a show. Then 4 days after I'm going to see Enron with my dad whilst my mum and Charlotte see War Horse (we're already seen it - one of my favourite plays). It's meant to be very well performed and received 5 stars in the guardian with many articles about it and the topics it covers. Then in May, we're all going to see Spring Storm, which I only just got tickets for at the National Theatre. It's one of Tennessee Williams' earliest works and the acting is said to be brilliant and costing only 10 pounds I couldn't resist.

The pound sign on my keyboard is lost. It's set to a European keyboard for some bizarre reason and I can't find out how to switch it back. I have located every other symbol other than that one, so it's a little odd.

I really don't have any other news other than this computer on a whole feels weird to be on after spending a long time with my new Mac. Windows is not the same. I think I'm a convert.

Ah musicians

Revision drives me insane. I like learning everything, but not re-learning and re-learning and re-learning over and over until it's so solidly stuck in my head that it feels like there is no possible way that I can think of anything else for fear of it over flowing and loosing it all. I have mock exams in a little less than a month, and the scary thing is, is that these grades go on our UCAS university applications. So lets not dwell on scary things too much now, take it as it comes.

I have not been here for a while, shameful I know, but it was my birthday and then I went on band camp. Now, this may sound like some kind of strange and encourage you to pick out certain films and quotes. But let me tell you, it's so much fun!

First of all the music school rents out this beautiful boarding school in the middle of nowhere, where we can be as loud and as crazy as we please (within the rules of course :p).

Secondly, you are surrounded by wonderfully beautiful, funny and talented people for a whole week.

And finally, you get you play music for a eight hours a day and eat lovely food for the rest of the time.

I knew a lot of people who were going, but still I was a bit apprehensive before setting off as I didn't know anyone really well as I am new to the group and have only performed with them once before at Christmas. So, as well as making new friends, my friendships with people I knew only slightly before developed during the week and before long we were one big happy group of 'normal' musicians all there for the same reason. There are many inside jokes which will be kept for years and years and memories from the week and the concert.

The concert itself was joint with the county choirs - much to our dismay as we spent many evenings half-heartly slagging them off in a jokey, yet some what sincere fashion - and contained a multitude of Broadway show tunes to connect to the American theme that the council was holding that week in the theatre and as part of the local area music festival. It was so lovely to play on the stage with all my friends despite the lights almost making us all into 'slow-roasted humans' for the audience to enjoy after the concert.

Now we just have to wait for summer to roll around until we all see each other again, so I suppose looking forward to it will build up anticipation and make us even more excited than before.

So, I've just been on a huge facebook friend adding spree for everyone I met, and 'liking' every comment which has something to do with the concert and KYWO people. It's just really nice to be part of something where everyone is as passionate or has a great love for music as you do.

The revision stopped 20 minutes ago after finishing off a chapter on the chemistry of life for biology - my least favourite and understanding topic, and a revision of Plato and Aristotle's theories for philosophy. That's enough to keep me going for one day. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and it is, yet again a revising day. I feel more motivated to write blogs when I have something else to do. Ah procrastination. How I hate thee.

Also, I came home to loads of chocolate that I hadn't eaten before I left. I'm the only one with loads left from Easter :)

It's the small things in life, it really is!

Raaaaah

Sometimes I feel that I put too much in, and get nothing out of it. It's annoying, it really is. This isn't just concerning work and school, but the way I am as a friend as well. I know this seems overly selfish and self-centred. I really do try my hardest to support, have fun and care about all my friends, but sometimes it just feels like all my work never gets returned. It's not that I don't enjoy doing things for them, sure I enjoy baking a cake for their birthday or organising a trip to see a show or a day out. But no one ever does this in return to either Charlotte or I. It's just always left up to us to sort things out, organise them and make things right. Sometimes I feel like I'm just there to be used. I know I'm not, but after some days, it just feels that way. And I don't want to say anything for fear of seeming selfish and all that.

Either I am just way out of line here, or I just do too much.

Okay that rant over another beings. (which too, might make me seem very up my self and vain, but I promise I am not attempting to do this. These are just my thoughts)

It's always been a dream for me to go to Cambridge and study, and I had visited a few times and fallen in love with the place. I have worked hard at school and become part of the Oxbridge group who receives tuition in the interview process and the written tests. Then I went to Oxford, just to see. I feel in love with that place too. Now I feel like I am cheating on Cambridge if I choose Oxford. That is just one of my problems. Which to choose. Students from either will obviously say their university and college are best, so my problem lies unsolved.

Anyway for a while I have thought that it wouldn't be THAT great to go there and I would probably rather go to somewhere in London like UCL. But the thing is, I really really really do. And the thing with that is that, it's really really really hard to get into. I feel like I'm not good enough, and fear that if I do go there, everything I say will be wrong. Plus, if I don't get in, I feel like I will not only be letting myself down, as I will just 'regret' not working hard enough, and also letting down everyone else including my parents.

Doing the IB means I only have one shot at the exams. If I fail or do badly then that's my own fault and will either have to settle for somewhere else or retake the whole two years again. Which really is not an option.

I really just had a realisation yesterday that I have always wanted to go to university and if I don't get in anywhere, I will probably just die internally for a few months.

Just read this back, and realised I sound really egotistic, but I do want to go. A lot.

On the plus side it's my birthday tomorrow :)

Quotes

I recently read Milan Kundera's Unbearable Lightness of Being translated from Czech, and I have to say that it is an amazing book, with so many compelling ideas and characters. The real beauty of the book lies in how specific motifs flit in and our of the story weaving itself into other peoples lives, but affecting them all in such different ways. Not only is it magnificently written - and therefore translated, but it also contains so many quotes that really mean something to humans like ourselves.

Much of the book is hard to really understand as being only 16 has meant I have not experienced all the events that the characters under-go, but certainly there are moments when I think: 'Yes I really understand how that character is feeling' either by experiencing the same or similar thing or just being able to connect and experience that feeling with the character that Kundera creates.

When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object

Seeing this quote would maybe make you think of love, and never having been in love I cannot really relate to this quote. However from the complete and near flawless development of the characters, I can begin to understand this quote. Tereza - whom this quote is taken from - is so obsessed and enthralled by her husband, Tomas, that one word command is enough to make her respond. His words are actions to her. Despite her manner and her seemingly following her heart, she admits to her relationship being like a 'public rape', immediately creating an image of a violence relationship in our minds. It highlights how women feel in relationships and how they respond to it, something which is relevant even in our culture and time.

Not only does this quote reflect the way that Tereza feels about herself, but it also emphasises how we are almost slaves to our passions, much of Plato's argument. We go for what we want and that is our own choice, but do we really have a choice once we have chosen that route. It's hard to understand, so using the analogy of a drug is easier to understand. To begin with it is your choice whether or not to take the drug, and since you are causing no harm to others, then no one can interject and prohibit you from carrying this out. However once you have taken the drug a few times, addiction kicks in. Now you must reimburse your need for the drug to keep from you feeling worse of than before - in this way you have now become a slave to your passion.

I feel that this novel opens many questions like this one, and it has opened my mind to other things in life. Many people have said that the book changed their life. I would not go that far, but I think it's fair to say that it does impact you in a certain way whilst studying it, several ideas bounce off each other and you suddenly grasp the story and understand fully what Kundera is trying to say. Don't live your life how others wish you to live it. Live it for yourself.

I'm going to Mars

I'm going to Mars, you should join me. It will be fun.

Just think you and I in Mars, together.

No atmosphere and no weather, no way of knowing what day it is on planet Earth, and we could just ignore time And be ourselves, completely.

No laws to comply with and no one else to say we can't do what we want.

We can look down on Earth like angels in heaven.

In our little heaven, on Mars.

http://marsparticipate.jpl.nasa.gov/msl/participate/sendyourname/

1001 things in 101 days

I recently came across this blog and loved this idea from it. So here is my own list of 101 things to do in 1001 days
1 / 101 things. 0% done!
Began: 27/02/10End: 11/12/12
nothing/in progress/completed

FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS

01. Make a new close friend

02. Celebrate my 18th Birthday in style

03. Go out at least twice a month with my family for a year (0/24)

04. Have a least one decent relationship

05.Make sushi with my friends

CREATIVE & LEARN

06. Make a short film (professionally)

07. Pass grade 8 clarinet

08. Post a blog post at least once a week for a year (0/52)

09. Write a short story

10. Take at least one photograph a month for a year which I actually put time and effort into (0/12)

11. Make a video blog at least once a month for a year (0/12)

12. Read 50 books (4/50)

13. Re-learn how to play piano

14. Find a quotation from each book I read which I find inspiring and write it down

15. Get accepted into university

16. Add more things to my wall

17. Get a level 7 in philosophy essay

ENTERTAINMENT & TRAVEL

18. Visit New York

19. Complete Duke of Edinburgh Gold

20. Go to the theatre once a month for a year (0/12)

22. Audition for school production

23. Join a new club

24. Travel outside Europe

25. Climb a mountain

HOMEY

26. Make a cookbook for university

27. Re-arrange my room in some way

28. Host a dinner party

29. Create a piece of art for my room

30. Try cooking a new cake

31. Have a bonfire

32. Play wii with my sister once a month for a year (0/12)

33. Paint Vikki's room

HEALTHY/BEAUTY

34. Drink 5 glasses of water per day (2/1001)

35. Cycle to school everyday for a month (1/30)

36. Eat 5 portions of fruit and vegetables everyday (2/1001)

37. Succeed in doing the splits

38. Join a dance class

39. Grow hair long

40. Organise hair accessories draw and buy some new hair clips

41. Only eat chocolate twice a week for six months (0/52)

42. Run 3 miles without stopping

43. No crisps for 6 months (0/6)

44. Don't wear makeup on at-home-Sundays

ORGANISE

45. Keep on top of my emails

46. Clear out my computer files

47. Keep my desk clear for at least 1 month

48. Clean out closet

49. Sort out desk drawer

50. Update memory book on a weekly basis (0/143)

51. Become a school officer

52. Sort out wire drawer

53. Throw away laddered tights

54. Organise and section school folders

FOR MYSELF

55. Save up £1000 for university

56. Enter a contest (and hopefully win!)

57. Write down 5 positive things a day for a month (0/30)

58. Have something that I have written published (anywhere)

59. Listen to the radio instead of downloading music

60. Learn to drive

61. Identify 100 things that make me happy (0/100)

62. Get predicited 677 in my IB highers

63. Plant Sunflowers in the Summer

64. Read the newspaper once a week for a year (1/52)

65. Cook once a week for a month (0/4)

FOR OTHERS

66. Surprise someone

67. Write 10 handwritten letters/notes/cards (0/10)

68. Buy a spontaneous present for someone

69. Invest my time in someone

70. Take some decent photographs of me and my friends

71. Donate all the clothes that I don't want any more

72. Leave a nerdfighter note in a John Green book

73. Bake a cake and bring it into school to surprise everyone

74. Make a piece of jewellery

75. Appreciate my friends more

FUN

76. Get into National Youth Theatre

77. Go to the beach at least twice in the summer with my friends

78. Build a snowman

79. Win something

80. Go to the science museum

81. Watch every Harry Potter film back to back

82. Watch an event at the 2012 London Olympics

83. Go to the last Harry Potter premier

84. Make a list of things to do in summer and complete it

BUSINESS & CAREER & MONEY

85. Do not buy anything for myself 1 month straight

86. Get a job

87. Get work experience

88. Buy a new camera

89. Buy a lottery ticket

90. Pay back everyone who I borrow money from

91. Make Christmas presents for friends

92. Don't buy anything on impulse

OTHER

93. Finish a cross stitch

94. Knit a scarf

95. Pass my exams with 36 points or more

96. Visit more art galleries

97. Only buy clothes I know I will wear

98. Have at least 100 subscribes on YouTube (iamjuliayesiam)

99. Organise a holiday for the end of school and exams

100. Play saxophone in orchestra for one month (0/4)

101. Complete all 101 things

Who knows if I will actually complete these things, but I really want to.

And yeah, we made a Tardis.

Films and Theatre

Just back from seeing An Education, though it's been out for a while I haven't had a chance to see it, so our whole family went to see it today.

I really enjoyed it. It was my type of film, well made and something you can relate to with engaging characters and all the same, great camera work and acting. I have to say I didn't recognise any of the main actors from anywhere, but I will note down their names and be excited for any other film they are in because they blew me away. They were so easy to understand and empathise with, making you feel part of what was going on and allowing you to become part of them.

So if you haven't seen it I would highly recommend getting it when it comes out on DVD or catch it before it leaves the big screen.

I feel like I haven't been to the cinema in ages, and so, I have compiled a list of films that I want to see including Avatar (I really feel like I am the only person who hasn't seen this film), Brothers, Up in the Air, The Lovely Bones, The Princess and the Frog and of course I will go along with all my friends to see Valentine's Day when that comes out. It's nearing the time of the Oscars and so there are lots of films to see. I can't complain, but it is really expensive to go to the cinema. Especially when I can go to the National Theatre and see any show there for less money.

National Youth Theatre audition in a week, I'm excited/nervous/scared/excited again.