Warwick and Exeter now. So indecisive.

After all this time

TOK is sent off, German individual oral is over, philosophy coursework handed in, maths coursework handed in, English coursework handed in, Biology coursework almost done, Music coursework done, Extended essay sent off to Sri Lanka. Seeing a trend? Finally after so many months of turmoil everything is finally drawing in and coming to an end. And finally I revise to my heart's content. And, seriously, I want to revise. A lot.

I gave in my university choices to the school today to okay them. Warwick and University of East Anglia. After many pro and con lists, scrutinizing of the prospectuses, traveling from the very very top of England to the very very bottom, endless discussions with friends and teachers, interviews, rejections and offers, I have finally made my decision, based on nothing but what I want. And I am very happy and so excited. I feel that I have exhausted school and I am ready for something new in terms of education (if I could take my friends life would be perfect!). But yes, extremely happy and ready to revise to get my 38+ (I WANT 40) points that I need to get into Warwick.

All I can say, is that I am ready to sleep for a month. Hibernate. Though preferably, I would like to sleep and wake up as some kind of super human genius who just knows everything and will pass exams with flying colours, getting 45 points out of 45 points. Yes, that would most definitely suit me fine.

Friends

Yesterday was strange. A couple of my closest friends came home with me and we ate pizza, chocolate and watched Pride and Prejudice all together snuggled under one blanket on the sofa. We were just laughing about things that no one else would find funny and making funny comments about the film that no one else would understand.

Once they had all gone home I got a text saying:

'I love you :) Me and Helen cried on the way home just thinking about all going off to uni and not seeing each other that often. I'm going to miss you all so much.'

Thing is over the past two years I have made amazing friends, all of which are different and none that I will ever get tired of talking to. It scares me a bit that we'll all have to say goodbye soon. I don't think I am ready to leave school for that very reason because it means leaving people who I love.
Of course I am excited to meet new people and to build new friendships with different people, but I am afraid of forgetting what I had and losing touch with the people that knew me so well and that I could just be myself around because making friendships like that take time. Just thinking about this makes me realise how much I appreciate my friends. We don't do anything out of the ordinary and that's what I like. I like just sitting on the sofa eating rubbish and talking about things that don't matter. I can look for comfort in these people and I can be a source of comfort for them and I think I will miss having a people in my life like that for the first months of university. Friendships like the ones that I have built over the past years are not immediate, but they are something I really want to work at and make more of.

I just really don't want to forget the friends and memories that I have already had because I just want to know these people forever.

In my last post I commented on my love of snow. Now I am here to express my dislike of the very same substance. Or rather, my temporary dislike for it. It's hard to stay annoyed at it for long seeing as it cannot retaliate and the fact that it does look so pretty, and even more so close to christmas. This, however is an open letter to snow:

Dear Snow,

You are so pretty, so beautiful, so soft. You are just the right amount of cold and wet for you to be fun to run around and play in, but you do cause so much disruption. As an avid fan of yours I am highly disappointed with your timing. To be frank I don't think it is fair to cause pain to so many wonderful people who need to showcase their talents in the form of annual Christmas concerts. Due to your less than perfect timing all three of my planned Christmas concerts have been cancelled leading to day full of nothing to do and immediate boredom and lost time. These are things that I look forward to, Snow and seeing as these concerts were the last of their kind for me I feel that I can be rightly upset. Now, you better hurry up and leave so I can go to Denmark. If you do not comply, there will be serious consequences which include me hating you forever. If you do let off, then I will slowly begin to love you again, though it will take time.

Yours

Julia

Snow

Monday I wished and wished for snow. I didn't want to go to school, and sure enough the snow came. I was going to go to school, but I couldn't get there and back, so I decided not to and much to my delight at 11am the school was declared closed. We all thought that Tuesday we would be back at school, the snow was a thaw and I could already see it was melting. I was constantly checking BBC weather which claimed that the snow would be heavy all of Tuesday night and the following day. It sure delivered. I woke up to so much snow. More than I have ever seen before. Immediate happiness. Snow is just a rarity here. Most people like it despite the interruptions. It makes everything so beautiful and I suppose it takes people back to times when they were younger and celebrated the first snow fall in exactly the same way as they do now. Yes, it is disruptive and after a while it does become incredibly annoying, but you can't help but love it for a while. Everything is brighter and all the ugly features are hidden, it's fun and exciting especially when it comes up to your knees.

The tale of the three brothers

I loved Ron and Hermione throughout the whole of Deathly Hallows.

I've noticed that most of the parts that I wanted the film to keep all had Ron in them:

Ron and his constant whispering of magical words to the radio and finally getting the right password. I just find this part so happy and funny in the midst of so much destruction and insecurity.

Harry and Ron talking when he comes back and he is explaining about the deluminator saying that Dumbledore must have always known he would have walked out, but then Harry turning around and saying 'no, he must have always known he would want to come back.' - such a heartwarming, guy love moment.

Ron's birthday present to Harry: 'How to charm witches' and then trying it out on Hermione.

Hermione getting really angry at Ron when he comes back and Harry casting the 'protago' spell between them.

Luna's room with all the painting of Harry, Ron, Neville and Hermione, all connected with ribbons spelling out 'friends'

Xenophilius Lovegood's crumplehornsnack exploding.

Ron going insane in the cellar of Malfoy Manor whilst Hermione is upstairs

The invisibility cloak in Godric's Hollow

Despite this, I loved the film and I suppose those bits are just things that stuck in my mind from the book, and I suppose everyone has small, almost insignificant elements from the book that they love contrary to their importance. I am actually so happy that most of the parts that I loved from the book stayed.

I have never been as stressed as I am now. Everything keeps mounting into this impossible mountain that not even the best mountaineer can maneuver efficiently. Whenever I'm out and about I forget about it, but then I come home and there is a massive weight which comes with stepping into the house, a consent pressure on me. I can't just sit and do nothing anymore, every moment has to be filled and cannot be wasted. I want to slow down, to stop and sit and just stare out of a window. I can't help but think that all my anxiety and sadness is just selfish and self-involved. I want to keep myself closed off, yet I want people to pity me. I don't know how I feel. I just feel like I am under an enormous amount of pressure, not just by my parents, but also by myself. I try telling myself that if I don't end up at my dream university it is because I am not suited to that environment and in truth I know I'll be happy where ever I end up. Yet still I feel so disheartened and deflated about everything. Constantly in the shadows in my own small home.